Before you leap to judge, take a good look in the mirror

The easiest people to see through are often the ones in power. A minister who lectures citizens on austerity but is chauffeured in a luxury car. A corporate leader preaching about work-life balance while sending emails at midnight. A cleric who condemns moral lapses but is caught in the very scandals he rails against. We call them hypocrites, with disdain in our voices, as if hypocrisy is a disease that infects only “others.”

But here’s the uncomfortable truth hypocrisy is not just a political affliction. It lives quietly in our everyday lives in our families, friendships, and personal choices. The real challenge is not spotting it in others, but learning to recognise when we are the ones falling into it.

Take a common scenario in Pakistani households parents insisting their children stay off screens, while scrolling endlessly on their own phones. Or a colleague who complains about office gossip, but is the first to spread a rumor. These are not crimes, but small acts of double standards that chip away at credibility. Each time, the gap between what we say and what we do widens until trust collapses.

Psychologists call this “cognitive dissonance”  the tension between our declared values and actual behavior. In societies like Pakistan, where moral and religious codes are emphasised, the pressure to appear “upright” can push people toward hypocrisy even faster. For example, a man may loudly condemn corruption in politics, but happily pay a bribe to get his own paperwork done. The contradiction is rationalised with phrases like, “What choice do I have?”

Hypocrisy also flourishes in institutions. Our government promises meritocracy but thrives on nepotism. Religious sermons urge simplicity, yet our weddings compete in extravagance. Schools tell students to embrace honesty, but many parents push for “connections” in admissions. In each case, the values we preach are undermined by the shortcuts we take. The hypocrisy is not abstract it costs us trust in systems, faith in leaders, and dignity in ourselves.

Globally, the problem is no less striking. Think of climate change developed nations deliver fiery speeches at UN summits about emissions, while continuing to fund oil and coal projects. Social media magnifies these contradictions. A celebrity may post about body positivity while secretly photoshopping their own pictures. Leaders talk about digital safety while cutting deals with tech companies that exploit data. In every case, the public grows more cynical, because the gap between rhetoric and reality is laid bare.

But spotting hypocrisy in others is easy. The real test is turning the mirror inward. So, how do you know when you’re being a hypocrite?

1. When your rules apply to others, but not to yourself.
2. When you preach values you don’t even attempt to practice.
3. When you judge others for the same mistakes you quietly commit.
4. When your public stance is far louder than your private actions.

It takes courage to admit these contradictions. Many of us use excuses to soften the blow I’m just being practical. Everyone does it. At least I’m better than so-and-so. But excuses don’t erase the gap between our words and our deeds.

The point isn’t to demand perfection. Nobody lives without contradictions. The point is honesty acknowledging our gaps before lecturing others about theirs. If we admitted, “Yes, I believe in honesty, but I’ve also lied when it suited me,” that humility might earn more respect than hollow moralising.

At a societal level, reducing hypocrisy requires transparency. Leaders should be held accountable for walking the talk, not just delivering speeches. People should question not only the government’s double standards but also their own. Why condemn tax evasion while haggling for a “cash price” without receipts? Why demand rights when we neglect our duties?

Perhaps the most powerful step is empathy, when we recognise our own flaws, we judge others less harshly. Hypocrisy thrives on denial and self-righteousness it withers when we admit that we are all vulnerable to it.

In the end, hypocrisy is not just about broken promises it’s about broken trust. And rebuilding trust begins with honesty, even when it makes us uncomfortable. The next time you’re tempted to point fingers at the “hypocrites” around you, pause for a moment. Ask yourself am I guilty of the same? If the answer is yes, you’ve already taken the first step toward living with integrity.

Images apart from thumbnail generated by AI